light up my days and fill my nights
by The Fluff Queen
Summary: AU. 22-year-old Shelby Corcoran was hired by Hiram and Leroy Berry to be their surrogate. She accepted partly because of the money, partly because of personal reasons. But then tragedy strikes.
1. prologue

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone! This story is probably the most daring project I have right now. It's a plot bunny that has been with me for a while. It's completely AU from the get-go, and I'm a little scared of your reaction, but I would love constructive criticism (so, please, while reviewing give me ideas and tips on how to improve or what to work. I'll be forever thankful).

**Disclaimer:** _Glee _and everything related belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy (even though he screws it up more often than not). The title song belongs to Joe Brooks, although I prefer the Westlife version. _Heaven_ belongs to Bryan Adams and is one of my favorite songs ever.

**light up my days (and fill my nights with song)**

_prologue_

_**Lima, Ohio. December 18, 1994**_

**T**he sun was rising on still sleepy Lima when Shelby Marie Corcoran, a pretty 22-year-old with dark hair and big brown eyes came back from her anesthesia. She blinked sleepily, eyes adjusting to the sunlight streaming through the blinders of her hospital room, when her hand brushed absently over her now empty stomach, and panic tightened her insides for a minute as she tried very much not to freak out.

But then a little whine came from her left, and just like it came, her panic went away.

She hadn't lost her baby.

No, she had just given birth.

Shelby was an Ohio State drama graduate struggling for money to move to New York when, immediately after graduation last year, replied to an ad on a paper for a surrogate. That was how she met the Berrys. Her initial meeting had been with Hiram. He grilled her about her background, be it cultural, economical and family-wise. He seemed pleasantly surprised when she admitted she wanted the money to support herself as she tried to make it on Broadway (a lifelong dream of hers). Hiram was a small, balding man, whose sharp mind was hidden behind an apparently sweet façade that fooled everyone around him. After Hiram was satisfied with his interview of her, he bid her goodbye and promised her she would hear from him sometime in the near future.

Two weeks later, Hiram called her and told her he wanted her to meet his partner, Leroy. Leroy couldn't be more different from his lover if he tried. A tall, expansive African-American with a head full of hair and twinkling dark eyes that crinkled in the corners when he smiled (which happened often), Leroy was grinning when she walked up to their table on a café near her house in Akron. As they talked, it became clear that the child was a wish from Leroy, and that he would have the maternal role when it came to raise the baby. It was also Leroy who decided she was the one, telling Hiram in the middle of their get-together, "That's her. I can feel it in my bones". Without even waiting for his partner to answer, he turned to her and said, "We want you to move in with us right away, because we'd like the start the process immediately".

A little stunned, Shelby couldn't think of doing anything other than nod, looking from Leroy's exuberantly grinning face to Hiram's more reserved features. "Are – are you sure?" She asked, hesitantly.

"Shelby", Hiram said in response, "why have you chosen to answer to our ad?"

"Partially because of the money", she said, honestly, "and partially because… I'm the middle child in my family. My older sister, Helena… She's gay, and she has been trying for years now to adopt a baby with her partner". She shrugged. "Helena's infertile and Miranda, her partner, has gone through hysterectomy years ago. If I can help anyone avoid the pain and heartache they have gone through, then…"

Leroy smiled at her and turned to Hiram. "See? She's perfect!"

Hiram rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at his husband. "Yes, darling, clearly she is".

It quickly became apparent that Leroy wanted to be as much of a part of everything as he could. He held her hand when Hiram injected her with her daily dose of hormones, took her to her doctor appointments, grilled her doctor with as much questions as she did, stayed on the room with her when she had her eggs harvested (again holding her hand) and did the same when she had the fertilized eggs implanted in her womb.

Two weeks after that, it was Leroy who bought five different pregnancy tests for her to take. They sat down on her bathroom floor, with their backs against the wall, Leroy's hand holding hers, shaking as much as hers. When she noticed this, she smiled at him. "You're going to be an **amazing**father, do you know that?"

He grinned at her, even though Shelby could still see the hint of anxiety in his eyes. "And you're going to be a great mommy".

Shelby smiled sadly at the gentle man in front of her. "You know that won't be possible. Hiram said I'll have to sign a document agreeing to stay away from the baby until it's eighteen".

Leroy rolled his eyes with a fond chuckle. "Nonsense! It's just Hiram being his overly cautious self. I'll talk to him. It's stupid to have a paper drawn out between all of us. You're family! If it weren't for you there wouldn't be any baby".

"Well, we still don't know if there **is**any baby", she teased. "Want me to look?"

"No, no, no. I'll look first". He stood up and glanced at the five pregnancy tests, all neatly placed next to each other on her sink counter. When he turned back to her, there were tears in his eyes, and a grin on her face. "Congratulations, mom. They're **all** positive!"

Shelby looked astonished at him before a wide grin broke out on her face and she let out a little happy squeal that made Leroy laugh. Pulling her up, he hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek tenderly, whispering his thanks against her skin. She rolled her eyes and laughed at him, called him silly and said there was no need for him to be thanking her. But when he pulled away from her, his eyes were serious.

"Shelby, promise me something".

"What?"

"Promise me you'll keep being a part of the baby's life, even after he or she is born". She opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off. "I know you think you won't be able because of Hiram and his need to have an agreement written up. It doesn't matter for me. You're a part of this as much as Hiram and I are. And…" He took a deep breath, worrying his lower lip for a moment, before carrying on, "I can **feel** this baby is going to need you. A lot. I'll accept it if you don't believe in me, but I'm a little bit psychic. And my gut feeling's telling me you **have** to be a part of his or her life. Please. I'll never ask for anything else from you".

She had agreed. Her acquiescence, and Leroy's determination of not signing any paper that could shut Shelby out of the baby's life, led to several arguments between the two men, arguments that would make Shelby leave the house for long walks, or have her trying to muffle it out by listening to Broadway showtunes as loudly as she could on her walkman.

But even Hiram couldn't avoid the excitement of seeing Shelby grow big with the baby. As the pregnancy became more real, he too took to accompanying Shelby in her appointments; she recognized the effort for what it was and tried to be accommodating of his needs, scheduling her appointments when she knew he had the day off. But his excitement wasn't nowhere on the same level of Leroy's, who was simply ecstatic with everything.

When the doctor told the three of them that they were having a girl, Leroy immediately dragged Shelby and Hiram to a baby store and began buying everything pink he saw. Hiram rolled his eyes fondly and tried to talk his partner out of buying things that their daughter wouldn't need until she was at least four ("Seriously, Le, what use is a bicycle for a newborn?" He asked Leroy with a fond tilt of his lips) while Shelby watched them with an amused grin.

Leroy was also the one who had secretly chosen the baby's name, and he had kept it secret. Hiram and Shelby had tried, jointly and individually, to find out which name he had picked, but he kept his mouth shut, telling them they could wait until the baby was born to learn.

But now the wait was over. The baby – her beautiful little girl – was finally here. With a small, sad smile (she knew Hiram would come soon with the papers for her to sign, no matter what Leroy said), she stood up from her cot and padded towards the small, acrylic bassinette where the newborn was lying.

She wasn't supposed to see her baby after giving birth. Hiram had secretly warned her just the week before, how she would be kept away from the baby to prevent her from forming the instinctive mother-child bond. Leroy had left to buy milk for pancakes (she had been craving blueberry ones). But when she gave birth just after midnight to a baby girl with the strongest pair of lungs ever ("She's going to be a singer, I can feel it!" Leroy proclaimed with tears in his eyes), Hiram hadn't been on the room with her, and Leroy had told the nurses to place the baby's crib in Shelby's room. He had left a little after four in the morning, after helping Shelby breastfeed the newborn for the first time, promising he'd be back later that day.

She peeked inside the crib, tears flooding her eyes as her heart exploded with love. Her baby girl was beautiful. With just a look she could tell the little girl would grow up to look a lot like her – she could see her cheekbones beneath the round baby cheek, her generous lips pouting up curiously at her, and the dark eyes that focused a little crossed at her had her own eyes' shape.

But the color…

Shelby knew right away that Leroy was the father, and she couldn't help but grin a little at that.

The little girl whimpered suddenly, and Shelby made a shushing, soothing noise, picking her up and cradling her close. She was so warm, so tiny, so soft against her arms. Feeling her lip quivering with her urge to cry, the new mother began to gently rock her baby back and forth. Leaning and pressing a little kiss against the tiny forehead, she felt the soft baby hair tickle her skin and closed her eyes, two tears rolling down her cheeks.

"If I never see you again, my darling, know that I've loved you very much", she whispered, before she began singing quietly.

_Baby, you're all that I want_

_When you're lying here in my arms_

_I find it hard to believe – we're in heaven_

_And love is all that I need_

_And I find it there in your arms_

_It isn't hard to see we're in heaven_

The newborn had settled as soon as she started singing, and Shelby smiled tenderly at her child, promising to herself to commit everything from this moment to memory. Deeply breathing in the sweet scent of baby skin, she pressed her lips against her daughter's head and closed her eyes, swaying gently as she carried on singing.

_Oh, once in your life you find someone_

_Who will turn your life around – bring you up when you're feeling down_

_Oh, nothing can change what you mean to me_

_There's lots that I could say, but just hold me now_

_Cause our love will light the way_

Before she could start on the chorus again, however, the closed door of her private bedroom was slammed open, and she startled, gripping the precious cargo in her arms a little tighter. Turning towards the door and humming quietly in order to shush her child, Shelby felt ice flow into her veins when she came face to face with Hiram, who didn't look nowhere close to the composed, controlled Hiram she had met nearly a year ago.

Hiram looked… wild, for the lack of a better word. His hair was disheveled and greasy. His eyes were red, puffy and desperate. His clothes were wrinkled, the same gray jeans, white polo shirt and charcoal woolly sweater he had been wearing when he and Leroy escorted her to the ER, crying and screaming bloody murder. He was pale as death, and something in his face made her heart clench.

The little girl in her arms was half-asleep, and she shot him a warning glance before rocking her a little more, until she was fully out cold. Gently putting the baby back on her little crib, she turned back to Hiram, eyes worried as she took him in again. "What's wrong, Hiram? Please, sit. You look like something the cat brought in".

His eyes flooded with tears and he closed them, two drops of moisture running down ashen cheeks as he fell heavily down on the single armchair of her room. That was when Shelby knew. She just knew, and the feeling of lightheadedness that came over her was so strong she fell down on her bed, her own eyes filled with moisture. Hiram didn't have to say it, but he did anyway.

"Leroy's dead", he spoke, his voice hollow, full of grief. "Car crash on his way home. They worked on him until a few minutes ago… He didn't make it".

"No", she whispered, horrified. "No, it's not possible".

Hiram nodded and a small sob left Shelby's lips. No, no, no. It couldn't be. Leroy was supposed to be at home, safely asleep, enjoying those last few hours before his daughter was released and he took her home to start enjoying life as a devoted new father to a beautiful child. Leroy was supposed to be there for every milestone of their little girl's life. Leroy was so excited with the prospect of being a daddy.

The sleeping baby made an annoyed noise on her crib, and Shelby's heart clenched. Hiram opened hollow eyes and fixed them at her. He made no move towards the baby. She knew he had seen her already – knew Leroy had taken her to his partner, proud and joyous and beaming like a proud new daddy. So why hadn't Hiram made a move yet to check on the precious daughter she just bore him?

As if reading his mind, he stood up from where he had fallen and walked towards the window, ignoring the transparent crib like it wasn't even there. "I can't keep the child, Shelby".

The woman gaped at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"I cannot keep the baby. I don't want to".

Outrage filled her. "What do you mean? Are you **insane**?"

"I mean exactly what I said. It's no interest of mine to be a parent to this baby". He seemed so cold, so uncaring, so businesslike. Shelby looked disbelievingly at him.

"How can you **say** that? She's yours – she's Leroy's! She was his dream – she's **everything** he ever wanted!" She seethed, trying very hard to keep her temper from exploding. The baby was asleep, and it would be best for everyone if she stayed asleep – a cranky, wailing baby wouldn't help matters now.

"Exactly! She was **his** dream – not mine! I never wanted children, Shelby. Being a father wasn't part of my life plan. But he wanted a child so badly I gave in to make him happy. Now that he is…" He took a deep breath; she could see a small shudder on his stiff shoulders. "I simply cannot raise a child that will remind me of everything I lost".

Shelby felt like she could faint any second now. She didn't dare to hope; couldn't allow herself to ask him if he was saying what she thought he was saying. But Leroy was gone. And Hiram was turning his back on Leroy's daughter – on Leroy's last dream made true. Squaring her shoulders, she stood up on wobbly legs and came to stand next to small crib. Looking at the tiny, red face, it steeled her decision.

"I'll keep her. I still want my money – and I'm giving her his last name and listing him as her father", she told Hiram, hardly daring to believe she could actually be a mother to the child she had fallen in love with so hopelessly in the last nine months. Tears prickled on her eyes, but she kept them in – she could cry for Leroy later, when everything was settled and she was alone with her grief and her pain and their child.

"That's fine by me" Hiram stated, still not looking at the little girl asleep in the see-through crib. He turned his back on her and went to the door, while Shelby slowly stood up and paddled to where her baby was. Suddenly, she remembered something.

"Hiram", she called out; he stopped at the doorway, but didn't turn around to look at her. "Has Leroy told you what name he had chosen for her?"

There was a long, heavy silence; when he spoke, his voice was low and thick with tears. "Rachel Barbara", he told her. "He wanted to name her Rachel Barbara". With that, he left without looking back.

A confusing jumble of feelings crashed down on Shelby as soon as she was left alone with her child. _Rachel_, she corrected herself quickly, _her name is Rachel_. There was a bone deep grief for the man who was so excited with the idea of being a father. There was sympathy, for the man who had just left her, a man who had lost the love of his life. There was anger at the same man, though, anger for his ability to turn his back on the child Leroy wanted more than anything. But there was also relief – a red hot relief for the fact that she wasn't going to be forced out of her daughter's life.

Feeling her eyes grow moist with tears, she picked up her small, precious bundle of joy and held it lovingly in her arms. "Hi, Rachel", she whispered, breathing in the sweet, soft smell of baby skin, "I'm your mommy". A small, astonished chuckle escaped her lips as her own words sank in. She was a mother. She had a daughter – a beautiful, gorgeous daughter. Before she could realize what she was doing, she began singing again.

_You light up my life_

_You give me hope to carry on_

_You light up my days_

_And fill my nights with song._

**to be continued**


	2. one

**Disclaimer:** _Glee _and everything related belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy (even though he screws it up more often than not). The title song belongs to Joe Brooks, although I prefer the Westlife version.

**light up my days and fill my nights with song**

_one_

**S**helby and Rachel were released from the hospital three days after Rachel's birth. She had spent the entire time thinking what she was going to do now. She couldn't move with a newborn to New York, no matter how much she wanted to be a Broadway star, she was a mother now and Rachel was her number one priority. Knowing that, she decided to go back to school in Akron, where her family lived, and get a degree in teaching.

One of the first things she did after Hiram left and she had cried all the tears she could for Leroy (and Rachel, who would never meet the amazing man who had fathered her) was calling her sister. Helena was her best friend and confidante, but even she was unaware of Shelby signing up to be a surrogate. "Helena?" She said nervously on the phone; her sister was a little over protective and only God knew how Helena would react once she knew where Shelby was.

"_Shelby, is that you? Where have you been, kid? Mom has been driving us insane trying to locate you!_"

"I know and I'm sorry", Shelby pleaded as she anxiously worried her lower lip. "I'm at Lima County General-"

"_You're at the hospital?!_" Helena shrieked and Shelby pulled the phone away from her ear, wincing. "_Are you okay? Are you hurt?_"

"Helena-" Shelby tried to say, but she was ignored. She could hear the muffled clang of her sister moving around her home office – Helena was a real estate agent – and bit back the urge to laugh.

"_Don't you worry, baby girl, I'm on my way. Just hang in there, okay?_"

"Helena", Shelby tried again.

"_Now that we're into it, why are you at the hospital, Shelly? Have you gotten into an accident? Some nutcase decided to make you his punching bag? I'll kill him no matter who he is! I think I have a client or ten who can make it look an accident!_"

"**Helena**!" Shelby called loudly, and held her breath. Rachel was asleep on her crib by the bed, and she frowned a little, but didn't wake, thankfully. "I'm **fine**", she stated emphatically. "Just come over and I'll tell you what's going on. And do **not** call mom, I want to tell her in person!"

She could almost see Helena roll her eyes, and it made her giggle when her older sister huffed her agreement, clearly unhappy with her request. After promising her she'd be there as soon as she could, Helena hung up, and Shelby put the phone back on her cradle. She was extremely anxious and concerned with her sister's reaction. Would Helena be hurt that Shelby had a daughter now, while she was still struggling to have her own child? "Oh, God, maybe I should've called Jamie first", she spoke aloud, groaning, "but what's done is done."

The new mother then picked up Rachel, and kissed her forehead gently, feeling the soft baby hair tickling her nose. "You're going to meet your auntie Helena today, Rachel. She's an awesome woman – you're going to love her, I promise", Shelby whispered to her sleeping child, a small smile on her face as she described her older sister. "Then once we're out of here, I'm going to take you to meet your grandma. Her name's Agnes. Your grandpa died when I was really young. His name was Simon". And on she went, marveling at how calm she felt with her baby in her arms, feeling the soft rise and low of the tiny chest. Rachel was a warm, soft weight in her arms, and she pressed a kiss to her head, heart swelling with emotion for her little bundle. "They're going to love you, baby. I promise".

A young, pretty nurse with green eyes and dark hair walked in her room, smiling at her. "Good morning, Ms. Corcoran. I'm Anne and I'm going to be your nurse for today. Is everything alright with you and your little girl?"

Shelby grinned back. "Good morning. Yes, everything is fantastic with my Rachel. She's such a good baby. But maybe I'm still high on pregnancy hormones. I mean, I gave birth just late last night. Or early this morning, it depends on how you see it".

Anne laughed. "I know the feeling. I have a six-month-old boy at home. As a newborn he was a very easy baby, but now he's a rascal. So, has little Rachel been fed?"

The new mother nodded. "I fed her about two hours after she was born and a little while back."

"That's great. Is your milk flowing nicely?"

Shelby looked puzzled. "I… don't know?" She more asked than said. "I think Rachel thinks so. I mean, she isn't crying all the time, so…" The taller brunette felt her eyes grow moist with tears. "I don't know. Oh, God, I'm a terrible mother", she wept.

Anne smiled slightly and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, gently guiding her back to the bed. "Now, now. There's no need to cry. It's absolutely normal for first-time mothers to be completely bewildered and lost. It would be a miracle if you knew what you're doing. But yes, you're right, it's a good sign that your little girl isn't crying all the time. And don't believe in anyone who says your breast milk isn't strong or satisfying enough. Right now, it has everything she needs, plus it helps with developing the mother-daughter bond".

Shelby wiped her eyes with a shaky hand and smiled tremulously at Anne. "I'm sorry. I'm just… all over the place. I'm a single mother. Rachel's dad… He died just a few hours after she was born. Car crash, I've been told".

"I see. I'm sorry for your loss", the young nurse said sympathetically. "Tell you what. Why don't I take the little lady for a spin at the nursery for a while? You look like you need some time off".

Shelby looked uncertainly at her for a moment, but then nodded. "Yeah… I guess that'll be okay. My sister's coming to check me any time now and I think it'll be better if she doesn't walk in to me with a newborn baby in my arms".

"Great!" Anne stood up and gently took Rachel from Shelby's arms, gingerly placing her back on her crib. "Say bye-bye to mommy, Miss Rachel. Relax, Ms. Corcoran".

Helena arrived around fifteen minutes after Anne left with Rachel. She looked just like their father, and, as it always happened, seeing her made Shelby's heart clench with how much she missed Simon Corcoran. Just like him, Helena was tall, curvaceous, with deep red hair and blue eyes. Five years older than Shelby, she rushed to her sister's bedside, blue eyes wide with panic. "Shelly! What happened, what are you doing here? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She eagerly drank Shelby in, her eyes seeking for the smallest bruise on her sister's young face.

The brunette laughed. "Relax, mama bear, I'm fine. Very healthy".

"Then what the hell are you doing checked in a hospital?" Helena's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Are you here rehabbing? Oh, Shelly, we told you never to accept drugs!"

Shelby gasped in shock. "What? Helena! I'm not a drug addict!" Running a hand down her face, she took a deep breath. "Sit down. I have something to tell you, and it's best if you just sit down".

Frowning in concern, Helena obeyed, closely watching her sister. Shelby looked good. No, she looked great. She looked healthy and relaxed, not stressed or overworked or thin or sick. "You don't look sick", she said contemplatively. "Shelly, what's going on?"

The younger Corcoran took a deep breath and placed her hand over Helena's. "Promise me you won't get mad at me".

"Shelby, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just… humor me. Please".

The older redhead rolled her eyes in annoyance, but nodded. "I, Helena Agnes Corcoran, solemnly swear that I won't get mad at you, Shelby Marie Corcoran, for whatever it is that you have to tell me", she said teasingly, squeezing Shelby's hand. "Now spit it out. What's going on?"

"Ihadababygirljustlastnight", Shelby blurted out, her eyes closed as the words flowed out of her lips, in a mess of vowels and consonants.

Silence.

Helena blinked once, twice, carefully replaying Shelby's words in her mind. "I'm sorry… Did you just say you had a daughter last night?" She repeated cautiously, eyes widening as it sank on her.

Shelby nodded; when she opened her eyes, they were filled with tears. "I'm so sorry. I know what you've been going on with Miranda and-"

But Helena lifted a hand. "Stop right there. Shut up. Please don't tell me you're feeling guilty because you had a baby and I don't". When she noticed how Shelby bit her lower lip, a clear sign that she had been spot on, Helena sighed. "Oh, Shelby. It's not a competition. Sure, I would love to have a baby right now, and having all my expectations crash and burn around me isn't easy, but that doesn't mean I'll resent you for giving me a niece!"

"You promise?"

Helena rolled her eyes. "Oh, God. What are you, five? Of course I promise. I didn't even know you were dating!"

"I wasn't. I was a surrogate for this couple. Hiram and Leroy Berry. They wanted a child and they knew how hard adoption is for homosexual couples, so they hired me".

Her sister looked confused. "Well, clearly something went wrong if you're here, and so is the baby – wait, the baby **is** here, isn't she?" Helena's eyes softened. "Oh, baby. Have you signed something saying you have no rights over your kid? We should call Miranda. She'll know what to do".

"No, no. She's here. Her dad – Leroy – died on a car crash after she was born. It turns out that he was the one who wanted the baby; his partner only went along with it to please him. With him gone, he couldn't bear having to raise her on his own, so…" Shelby shrugged. "I stepped up. Leroy spent the whole nine months begging me to be a part of her life. I couldn't refuse it, couldn't let him down like that".

"I see. Well, where **is** she? When can you guys go home? You have to tell mom, you know – she'll go crazy. This is going to be one spoiled baby. What's her name?"

Shelby's face softened as she pictured Agnes Corcoran's reaction to the news that she was a grandma, but before she could reply, Anne came back with Rachel, a grin on her face. "Look who is back!" She announced happily. "Oh, hi. I'm Anne. I'm the nurse responsible for their care", she told Helena while passing Rachel to Shelby's arms. The redhead smiled back.

"Helena Corcoran. I'm the auntie".

"Congratulations on your niece. She's very healthy. The doctor says the two of them can go home very soon if Shelby's healing as she should be", she told the two women. "He'll come around later to check up on you. Rachel's weight dropped a little bit, but that's normal, babies always lose a little weight after their birth. Now, if you excuse me…" With a small smile and a wave, Anne walked out of the room, leaving Shelby behind with Helena and the small addition to their family.

"Oh, Shelly… she's beautiful!" Helena breathed as she looked awed at the small, olive face peeking out of a light pink blanket. "And look at that head, so full of hair! Hey, princess", she cooed affectionately. "What's your name, little one?"

"Rachel. Her name is Rachel Barbara Berry. Leroy picked it". Shelby declared proudly, a big, if slightly sad, smile on her face. Helena looked at her for a moment and then chuckled.

"You're such a proud new mama, Shelly. Gimme that baby, c'mon". She reached out for Rachel, and smiled softly as her sister gently eased her niece in her arms. "She's the cutest little thing".

"Yeah…" Shelby grinned. "She is. Helena… Do you think mom is going to hate me?"

Helena blinked at her, confused. "Are you insane? Hate you? For what? For Rachel?" The older woman rolled her eyes. "Of course **not**, Shelly. Mom has been begging for a grandchild for **years**. She's going to freak out, sure, but she'll love this little girl more than all of us, together".

"You sure?"

"Of course I am. Relax. Everything is going to be fine!"

And it was. The next day, Helena came back to the hospital with Agnes and Miranda on tow, and, just like she said, Agnes Corcoran monopolized Rachel the entire visit. The only time she gave her granddaughter back to Shelby was when Rachel needed to be fed, and even then, she kept hovering over them, her dark eyes shining with joy.

And, obviously, there had been some scolding from Agnes. "You should have told me you were going to have a baby, Shelby Marie. I would have loved to be more prepared to receive my granddaughter into the world!"

"Mom…" Shelby winced at her mother's sharp tone. "I wasn't **supposed** to keep Rachel. Helena has told you that and so have I. Her father's partner didn't want me to be a part of her life. How was I supposed to tell you I was having a baby, then after she was born rob you of the chance of being a part of her life?"

"That's in the past now. We get to keep that gorgeous girl in our lives, to raise, to care, to love", Helena said with a grin, an arm around Miranda's waist as she rested her face against her wife's shoulder. Shelby grinned at her sister, but then felt her heart clench at the dark look on Miranda's eyes.

If Helena's reaction to Rachel had been everything she wouldn't dare to hope it would be, Miranda's was exactly what she had feared, down to every little detail. The older woman, usually so cheerful and happy, was stiff and quiet, her eyes unreadable as she looked at the little baby nestled in Sofia's arms.

In reality, Miranda was the one to want so badly a baby, not Helena. Helena was 27, still quite young and much more career-minded. Miranda, on the other hand, was nearly 40, was made a partner in her law firm about three years previous and having lost her uterus just made her need for a child much more pressing.

And there was… **something**… in Miranda's eyes that it chilled Shelby to the core. She was… jealous? Rationally, it made no sense – Shelby's circumstances were far from ideal; she was an unemployed, broke 22-year-old, a single mother who had no father to rely on to help raise her child. But emotionally, it was a whole different deal. Shelby **had** a baby – everything Miranda had been wanting for the last three years.

_I'm being stupid_, Shelby told herself firmly as she swallowed, looking away from her sister-in-law with a fake smile to her glowing mother. _Miranda's upset that I have a baby and she doesn't, yes, but that doesn't mean she won't do anything, right? I mean, she knows it would hurt my sister. And she wouldn't dare lose Helena._

Unfortunately, Shelby was wrong about this.

It all came to blows the next morning. Helena had a showing, and Agnes was getting the house ready for Rachel and Shelby, so they were unable to come and keep Shelby company. Miranda, however, had discretely set up a meeting with Shelby for that morning before she left the previous night, to go over some precautions concerning Rachel's custody. Shelby wanted to make sure Hiram had no right over her daughter, and Miranda had offered to help her with that. Knowing that it would hurt Helena if she refused and aware that she had no palpable reason to turn down Miranda's help, Shelby had stiffly agreed.

Miranda looked very professional and polished in a dark suit, her long, dark blonde hair tied back in a long braid. She looked very trustworthy, but Shelby's gut still prickled with uneasiness, and she offered the older woman a weak smile. Closing the door behind her, Miranda gave the younger brunette a small smile that, Shelby noticed with a clenching heart, didn't quite reach her eyes. "Shall we start, Shelly?"

Shelby nodded, thankful that Anne had taken Rachel for the last checkup with the doctor before their discharge. The young nurse had quickly become a friend for Shelby, and the two had already set up a play date between Rachel and Noah, Anne's son. "Do you have everything with you?"

Miranda nodded, gingerly placing her briefcase on Shelby's bed. Opening it, she handed Shelby a handful of papers as she proceeded to explain that she would mail Hiram the papers. "You had a surrogate deal with them, and for all intents and purposes, this deal still stands. You've never had it dissolved, so if he wants, he can file for Rachel's custody. These documents are for him to sign giving up his parental rights towards Rachel".

Shelby nodded, then sighed resigned. "I still can't believe he gave up Rachel that easily. I mean – he wasn't always all for it like Leroy was, but as my pregnancy progressed, he grew more and more excited with it. I really thought he would keep the deal up and keep Rachel". She shook her head, sadly. "It's his loss".

Miranda hummed in agreement, then leaned forward. "Shelby, how much do you want?"

The other woman blinked confused at the lawyer. "I'm sorry?"

"For Rachel. How much do you want for Rachel's custody? You don't want that baby, Shelby, you dream of being on Broadway, of being a star. A baby will just hold you back. Helena and I – we can give Rachel everything she can ever want." She made a pause and then added, "And it's not like you're fit to being a mother anyway".

Shelby gasped. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, Miranda?"

"I'm prepared to pay fifty grand for that kid", Miranda insisted.

The new mother blinked, shock making her eyes wide as saucers. "You're offering to **buy** my daughter?!"

"Oh, please", Miranda scoffed. "Don't act so shocked. You were going to sell her to the Berrys anyway. How is this any different from that?"

"The difference", Shelby said, her voice steely, "is that I knew Leroy was going to love Rachel with everything he had. He didn't treat her like a possession. She was his **daughter**."

"And you think I'm not going to love her?"

"She is **mine**, Miranda. I'm not willing to give her up for anyone – not when I'm everything she has. I'm sure you would love her, but I cannot give her up. From the moment Hiram left this room, Rachel became mine and just mine. Even if he came back, even if he told me he had changed his mind and wanted her, I would still take him to courts in order to keep my access to her".

"That's your last word on this subject?"

Shelby nodded. "Yes. And please don't mention it ever again. Since I don't want to hurt my sister, I'll keep this a secret".

"You won't have to", a new, older, more experienced voice came from the door, and the two women looked towards there, startled. Shelby's eyes filled with tears, while Miranda became deathly pale.

Agnes, Helena and their brother Noel were standing by the door. It had been Agnes who had spoken, her face hard and unreadable. Helena had her eyes full of tears, and a look of betrayal in her face that shattered Shelby's heart. 19-year-old Noel, the younger and only Corcoran son, looked awfully out of place there, holding a handful of pink balloons and a huge teddy bear under his arm.

Miranda stood up. "Baby", she croaked out, taking a tentative step towards Helena.

"Don't call me that", Helena hissed, pain dripping from every word. "How could you? Are you really that desperate to have a child?"

"You don't understand!" Miranda pleaded desperately. "It's not fair that Shelby gets to keep a child she doesn't even want, when people like us, who are anxious to have a family, have to wait!"

It happened so quick that it made everyone in the room gasp. One moment Agnes was by the door, eyes furious as she glared at her daughter-in-law; the next, she was all up on Miranda's face, her dark eyes aflame of anger. "Who do you think you are, going around trying to buy innocent children? Rachel already **has** a family and a mother who loves her!"

"Mom!" Shelby said loudly. "Stop that!" There was a knock on the door, interrupting the mess, and Anne's head popped through the crack on the door, eyes cautious.

"Everything fine here? There's someone out here who's missing her mama".

Squaring her shoulders, Shelby shot Miranda a warning glare before relaxing a little as Anne walked in the thickly tense room, Rachel nearly asleep in her arms. "Did she give you any trouble?" The new mother asked anxiously, holding out her arms.

"Not at all", Anne grinned at her trying to ease the atmosphere. "Rachel's a great baby, you're a very lucky mommy".

"Yeah", Shelby smiled as she wrapped her arms around Rachel's safely bundled body. Smiling tenderly at her newborn, Shelby seemed to forget there were other people with her in the room. "Hi, baby. Oh, I missed you!"

Blinking sleepily, Rachel reached out blindly for her mother, her small, soft hand coming to rest over Shelby's lips. With tears bubbling in her eyes (_Oh, God, when will the hormones stop?_), Shelby tenderly kissed Rachel's tiny palm. "Mommy loves you too, baby".

Taking the opportunity, Helena stepped away from where she was, next to Noel and grasped Miranda's arm, tugging it firmly. "We need to talk. Now", the younger woman stated, dragging her partner out of the room with a dark look on her face.


	3. two

**Disclaimer:** _Glee _and everything related belongs to FOX and Ryan Murphy (even though he screws it up more often than not). The title song belongs to Joe Brooks, although I prefer the Westlife version.

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all the support and kind words! I'm glad you guys are enjoying this little plot bunny of mine. Now, I can't remember for the life of me if I previously mentioned how long Helena and Miranda are together. If I did, please tell me so I can correct this data on this chapter. Ah, and before I forget, some gleeks are going to be childhood friends of Rachel. I'm slowly adding their parents to the mix. Anne's son is one of them. Miranda's sister (mentioned in this chapter) is the mother of another. Give me your guesses of who you think are their children!

Also, merry Christmas for all of you and a very happy New Year!

**light up my days and fill my nights (with song)**

_two_

**T**he whole time Helena was dragging Miranda away from Shelby's room, the lawyer kept pleading with her for a chance to explain, tears in her eyes as she realized just how much she had screwed up. Helena, on the other hand, couldn't shake off the feeling that she had been lied to the whole time she had been in this relationship. Once they were out of the hospital, the older Corcoran dropped her partner's arm and turned to glare at her.

"What the fuck were you thinking? Trying to buy my niece?! Are you **insane**?!" She yelled, the blue eyes sparkling with anger and heartache. "I can't even… I can't even… **God**!"

"Helena", Miranda pleaded desperately, "Helena, please, baby, let me explain…"

"Explain **what**, exactly? How desperate you are to have a child that you would try and buy my **niece**? Were you trying to push my sister out of my life? What were you **thinking**, Miranda? Or were you thinking at **all**?"

The older woman brokenly ran a hand through her hair, trying to order her thoughts so she could make the woman of her life understand her reasoning. "Baby. Shelby isn't fit to be a parent, she's 22-"

Helena cut her off. "I know perfectly well how old my **sister** is, thank you", she said dryly.

Miranda flushed. "I'm sorry. I'm just… nervous. Anyways. No court will give her custody of Rachel. She's single, unemployed, and she was going to give Rachel away to a gay couple. It doesn't look good for her. But… it looks awesome for us. We're financially stable, in a committed relationship. I wouldn't take Rachel away from Shelby. She can be the… the cool, fun aunt who will spoil Rachel rotten and-"

"Are you even **listening** to yourself?" Helena's voice was as sharp as a whip. "First, my sister may be young, but she's not **that** young. She's 22, and she's graduated from college. She's better off than many girls I'm sure you have seen. Financially speaking, she has the money Rachel's father and his partner paid her for the surrogacy contract. She's good to go for six months, at least".

"Exactly! She was paid to have that baby, how is that any different from what I offered?!"

The glare Helena shot Miranda was icy. "Which brings us to our final issue. Shelby wasn't giving Rachel away to a gay couple. She would allow Rachel's **father** to raise her with his partner, yes, but that doesn't mean she was doing it without more than a healthy dose of heartache. Plus… Aren't we a gay couple, too?" She lifted an eyebrow, her pretty face assuming a mocking look. "Unless you've been lying to me for the last six years, you're a female, and so am I. How are we any different from Rachel's father and his partner?"

Miranda blushed guiltily and looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking".

"Clearly", Helena said ironically. Miranda looked up, with eyes full of tears.

"In my defense, I'm so in love with you, Elle. I want to have a child with you, and all these missing opportunities are frustrating-"

Helena looked incredulously at her. "Do you think you're the only one frustrated with the fact that we've been trying to adopt a child for three years and it hasn't happened yet? My God, Miranda, can you be any **more** self-centered? I don't even feel ready to be a mother, and I'm already frustrated!"

Miranda blinked and then stepped cautiously away from her. "What are you saying, Helena?" She asked quietly. "That having a child with me isn't something you feel urgently for?"

The younger woman took a deep breath. "I don't know how I feel. I just… I just don't think I'll be shattered if it doesn't happen **now**. I'm 27, Miranda. I'm beginning my career. Yes, I want to have a kid, but I don't feel this… this… obsession for it like you do! That takes away all the joy of having a family, Miranda! Yes, I want to be a mother, but I can still lead a happy, productive life if it doesn't happen anytime now. I can wait!"

Miranda blinked owlishly at her, then laughed bitterly. "I'm **forty**, Helena. A forty-year-old woman who lost her uterus-"

"Having a uterus or not isn't what makes a woman a woman, Miranda!"

"Nevertheless. I'm **forty**. I want to be a mother to my child, not a grandmother!"

Helena looked disbelievingly at her partner. "Miranda, you don't **look** forty. What's this obsession with your age anyway? It didn't use to bother you that much!"

Shelby's older sister saw her partner's face slip into a mask of icy blankness and immediately knew this conversation was over. Privatively lamenting the ending of her relationship, Helena watched as Miranda got further and further away from her without leaving her presence. Miranda wasn't by nature a sharing woman. There were issues in her past, with her family, that in six years of being together Helena had never caught a glimpse.

She knew Miranda had a younger sister who had married into money just three years ago, but they weren't close. That was unbelievable for Helena, who shared a deeply close and extremely open relationship with her own sister and couldn't for the life of her imagine not being able to rely on or be there for Shelby whenever one of them needed. But whenever Helena tried to approach the issue and learn more about the family of the woman she had chosen to share her life, Miranda would close up and change subject quickly.

With a broken heart, the young woman made the decision they both knew was made when they first left Shelby's room. "I'm sorry, Miranda", she whispered with her voice thick with tears, "but I don't think we're on the same page anymore. You desperately want a family and I'm fine with waiting. You're so far from your family, it's insane, and my family is a reason for everything I do."

"Don't do that, baby", Miranda pleaded, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"I'm sorry. I just… I don't see a future for us anymore". Her voice breaking, Helena turned and fled back to the hospital, leaving an utterly heart-shattered Miranda behind.

* * *

**A**ll the way back to Shelby's room, Helena kept going back and forth if her decision to break up had been the right one. Although they were vastly different, they loved each other. Would she be able to move on from that and, if needed, leave her family for the sake of her relationship?

The scene that greeted her when she opened the door of her sister's room proved that no, she wouldn't.

Noel was awkwardly sitting on the single armchair on the room, with baby Rachel in his arms, Agnes repeatedly telling him to be careful with her granddaughter's head and neck and Shelby watching the three of them with a fond smile. When, however, they heard the door open and looked up, coming face to face with Helena's tear-streaked cheeks, the two women gasped and rushed towards her, wrapping her into a comforting hug. Noel's eyes followed them, dark with worry for his big sister.

That was when Helena broke down. Hot tears ran down on her cheeks as she felt Shelby's hands run down her back, Agnes whispering words of comfort in her ears. "It's… It's over", she said aloud, the words ringing heavily in the silent room. Her family stayed quiet, looking at each other with concern on their faces.

"Are… Are you sure, Elle?" Shelby asked cautiously. "It doesn't… It doesn't have to be. I'm not offended. I can forgive Miranda for her crazy antic, if it means you're happy".

Helena snorted weakly. "Then you're a better woman than I am, Shell. I cannot forgive her for trying to buy Rachel off." She harshly wiped her eyes and then added, "Plus we want different things. She's so obsessive with having a child! Having a family for me is something you make when the timing is right, and if it hadn't happened for us yet, then it wasn't the right moment for us. I'm cool with waiting for that right moment, but she wasn't, she isn't. What she did today was proof of that".

As her eyes locked with her sister's, Shelby nodded. She saw that Helena had made her mind, was sure of her decision of ending her longtime relationship. It was something they had inherited from both of their parents, that ability to not look back. The Corcorans, Agnes and Simon had taught their daughters, and Agnes later taught their son, regretted what they didn't do – not what they had done.

"Uh, Shell?" Noel's voice rang from the armchair, weariness and caution leaking from it. "I think she's about to-" He was rudely interrupted by Rachel's powerful screaming, the tiny face red and scrunched up as she put her strong lungs to very good use. "-cry", he finished, looking a little amazed and a lot scary.

"_Mazel tov_!" Agnes called out, pride shining in her face. "That one's going to be a singer, I can tell! She screams just like her mama!"

Shelby rolled her eyes and chuckled, leaving her sister and mother and approaching her brother, who all but thrust her child towards her. "Shush, baby", she cooed quietly, her voice barely heard over Rachel's squalling. "Why are you crying? Are you hungry? No, it can't be that, you just ate… Hummm… I know…" Balancing Rachel in one arm, she looked around and her eyes came to rest on her sister. "Elle, can you hold Rachel for me while I pick a clean diaper for her?"

Agnes hurried forward to take her granddaughter into her arms, but a quick, warning look from Shelby stalled her. Quickly understanding what her middle child had in mind, she nodded imperceptibly and allowed Helena to take Rachel in her arms, stepping back close to Noel and wrapping an arm around his shoulder. Helena took Rachel from Shelby's arms while her sister busied herself with baby wipes and a clean diaper.

Silence fell over the Corcoran family like a blanket, comfortable and soft, and Elle was relieved for that. The easygoing atmosphere of Shelby's room settled the issue for her: she **had** made the right call. Miranda's disastrous offer to Shelby would have strained Helena's relationship with her own family, had they stayed together, and that was something she would never accept. Her family would always come first, above anything.

She was hurting, yes. But she would heal. And in time she would have her own baby to love. When it felt right for her.


End file.
